I GUESS..

Some things never go the way you expect them to.

Then you realize your expectations were really only dreams plotted out in your mind to make something better than it ever could be. Something that can never be achieved and I'm sure that's why they call it a dream. I think the worst feeling though is realizing that your dream will never be that realization that you hoped and pondered over for so long. Something you can touch, taste, feel, see etc. It's not materializing and I don't think we can handle that sometimes. Because we get so caught up in whats going on and who we are then to look at reality and the reality of everything around us. I think if we all took a little more time to look at what's REAL rather than what's inside our heads (that we're nitpicking every single second)then maybe life would be easier than what it is.
I don't know why I'm writing this or what my motivation is. What the Hell?
I think the thing I hate the most are expectations. Expectations on how to act, and how to conduct things, and how to be socially acceptable. Fuck socially acceptable.

I am so frustrated right now that I can't even write. Seriously. I don't know why. I want to like rip my bones out from the inside if that even makes sense. Something is eating at me, and I just wish that I could figure out what it is already. It's hard to admit but it's the same feeling for the last two months. I just wish I knew what it was. =(

And on top of that I'm lonely.

This just keeps getting better.

-- Jen. 117