This time..

Shine a light, shine a light on me please. Like I said in the post before this, I don't know what's been eating at me lately. However, it really hit home when I found out that my Aunt Florence passed away this morning. RIP, i love you<3. That's all I'm going to say about it because to explain the rest of it, I'd sound crazy because it'd comeout in pieces, I can't type everything that's inside my head.
Then after Jon left this morning I went to church, went to school for a scholarship thing, came home and showered and stuff, then went with my mom to pick up my nana. After we got nana, I came home and sat down for literally two minutes. Then went to big jake's bithday party. I want to say it was a really good time but I can't bring myself to do so. I'm positive it's because I was really, the only single one there. There was Megan and Will and Sallyann and Tracy and Lindsay and John and Linda and JimCasey. So I ended up like a forreal 16th wheel. I just felt so awkward and out of place with my friends. Granted Will and Megan are hilarious and so is everyone else it was just like, I was by myself. Like I am all the time. We even went to take a picture at the end like we do every year and we got one with all the girls, and then we took one with the boys and everyone paired up with their boyfriends and there I was, standing there the odd man out. I didn't even know where to stand. It was like a prom picture and I didn't have a date, again. That might seem so so so so so so petty and make me look like an idiot, but whatever. It bothered me.
It just made me sad. Most of the time I'm fine by myself, independent, but then there's times like this when I wish that I could have someone to bring with me? Someone to always be there for things? A real life boyfriend/bestfriend? You know? Someone to hug every now and then? Someone to watch movies with? Someone who doesn't care if we just hang out at my house for 15 hours?

I know I'm not the one, I know I am not the one.

- Jen.